When I turned 27 years old, in 2009, my life became meaningless, hopeless and aimless. The inner struggle to hide myself finally came to a head and the burden of questions needing answers became too big to bear. I had tried to be who I was expected to be, what my family, friends and colleagues considered 'normal'.
I cried myself to sleep during the day, battling the crying by drinking in the afternoon, and I started to write my story by night. The relief of writing slowly grew into an understanding of who I was, every day a little bit more, until finally I came to that blissful moment in my life where I recognised myself, and I felt good. I was finally who I was meant to be.
I came out to my family, to their sheer shock and disappointment. For the first time ever I then met a kindred soul face-to-face, my now very close friend and confidante Xheni Karaj, who was the only lesbian I knew from Facebook.
We sat down for a cup of coffee as two strangers, and found that we had one major thing in common; we wanted to do something that mattered with our lives. We 'activated' each other that day. Over the next few years we grew to know each other better and to meet other like-minded people. First Erjon and then a few others. We met on a daily basis and we would talk, discuss, party together and enjoy each other’s company. We had started our own 'group' without even noticing.
After one of our passionate discussion sessions, we went out and painted sayings like: “I am a boy and I am in love with a boy” and “I am a girl and I am in love with a girl” on the walls of Tirana's main streets. We recorded what we did that night and posted the footage online on Facebook and YouTube. The week after we painted the park benches opposite the Presidential Residence with 'our' rainbow colours.
We also organised assorted gatherings, street actions and underground parties for the gays and lesbians alike that year. At one of these parties that year I met Erjon, who would become my partner. He also came to understand and love himself for who he was, and started to keep a diary in which he wrote his life experiences. He posted these online on a Facebook page which attracted hundreds of gays and lesbians.
As I take a look back and compare today's reality with the reality of even five to six years ago, I can't help but notice there are some marked achievements the LGBTI movement has reached.
Xheni and I came out publicly and now lead the LBGTI movement in Albania. Erjon's "diary" was the first and remains the only human rights portal in the Albanian language with thousands of unique visitors each day. The footage of our graffiti actions was made into a LGBTI documentary, the first of its kind in Albania, which has also won international recognition and numerous prizes.
Our organisations are finally structured throughout the country and we are able to demand accountability from our politicians on our issues and lobby for legislation amendments. The once underground parties have been transformed into much-needed services for our communities. We opened the first residential centre for at-risk, young homeless LGBTI members in December 2014. It took five years of our combined work for all we have achieved, but it took 20 years for me to understand and accept myself for who I am.
Sooner or later we all have to meet, understand and accept our inner selves. I beg of you, do not postpone that meeting.
As I take a look back and compare today's reality with the reality of even five to six years ago, I can't help but notice there are some marked achievements the LGBTI movement has reached.
